Funny how things are....or aren't! This week I've been thinking about my life and comparing it to the me of last year. I've never been a New Year's resolution kind of person and don't plan on changing that in the near future. So, it's not about that, rather the timing of a few other things in life have kicked off this introspection and resulted in a number of questions.
Why does the idea of re-shingling my roof in Logan pain me, while the thought of erecting retaining walls in Montello excites me? Why does waking before 8:30 in the morning on a regular day ruin me, when an unprovoked stirring around dawn in Montello results in a 30 minute taking in of the sunrise? A year ago I had proper motivation to work on an amazing business idea with my brother, which ended up being stalled by the State. Today, we have the go ahead and my motivation got up and went somewhere else. I can research off-grid solar power information all day long for Montello, but my interest quickly fades when I start grid-tie research for a setup in Logan. I revel in the idea of riding my bike a few miles to the Montello Gas and Groc(ery) for an ice cream with the kids. I can't recall the last time I rode my bike around town here in Logan.
A few times a week (likely more) I am swept up in thought and analysis surrounding religion. Today, I think about the excess my former religion displays with granite slabs and waterfalls covering the roof of an enormous granite adorned conference center and it makes me wonder what Christ's church looked like in comparison during his day? And then, I wonder why I care how they spend their money and in the same thought I wonder who I talk to for a refund of my misguided granite palace contributions. My last three days in Montello I lived entirely in peace, in the moment, and religion never crossed my mind.
Why does my mind run to the solace of Montello shortly after I open the registration notice for my 1982 Jeep and learn the fee has gone up 47% in one year. Why don't I raise hell when the Division of Motor Vehicle representative is able to quickly verify the legitimacy of the rate increase as an across the board hike, but can't begin to tell me how the increased tax revenue will be spent in my, her, or somebody else's benefit. Why doesn't the marble tile, granite counter tops, and knotty alder pine cabinetry all throughout my newly remodeled local county building make me feel anywhere near as comfortable as sage brush and dirt? (I wonder how plush the Elko county buildings are?) Why don't those plush county buildings help the employees look more happy with their jobs or aid them in processing my paper work more efficiently.
How does a politician get away with admitting something is not the same as it once was and in the same breath proceed to argue that it hasn't changed at all. Sorry, that last one was a continuation on religion, not a dive into politics, but who can tell the difference anymore?
Right now I question why you are still reading, when you likely think I'm full of shit and you certainly have better things to do? Sorry, maybe not...continue reading. Perhaps my words strike a chord when the topic is something agreeable, and perhaps they uncomfortably tickle you when the same line of reasoning is applied to something you hold dear and unquestionable. Perhaps I am full of bullshit. I certainly have been before, will be again, and am open to the idea of it being my current and perpetual state. Perhaps the sudden year over year changes in my personal life are the result of blindness or deception. Perhaps they are the result of truth setting aside blindness. Maybe the sudden changes aren't sudden at all and are accounted for by the acquisition of a few more pieces of life's puzzle being plugged into the overall view, thereby delivering a different view into a world that hasn't changed, but somehow isn't the same!
Perhaps someday I'll see you in Montello in front of the Montello Gas and Groc. I'll be the guy with a large rimmed straw hat sitting on the bench out front watching the drivers by race through town at the speed of life on their way to somewhere more important than here and now. If you'd like to turn around and join me on that bench, I'm certain there will be room for one more and the first cold one is on me! Until then, get the hell out of the way, I've got somewhere to be and only the speed of life seems to get me there.....but never on time.
special thanks to the guys at the Montello Gas and Groc for the kitchen sized garbage bags you pulled out of your personal inventory to sell me. you helped make our trip more pleasant than you'll ever know! and, the ice cream bars are always a nice treat.
I can relate to all and some of that... It's almost as though we've been divided against ourselves, live some kind of schizophrenic existence, and while we know something is wrong with it all, find it hard to nail down exactly what that is on any given day.
ReplyDeleteYES! (very emphatically with a raised voice)
ReplyDeleteIf my land is close enough, plan to see me on my bike down there often too. I'll be the guy drinking a soda since I do not drink beer. I sit and wish every day I was in Montello. Even with my new business making money daily, I know I would be happier in montello poor.
ReplyDeleteHalf the time I'll be drinking soda too, cause I don't drink beer. The other half of the time I'll be drinking beer, because I don't do drugs!!! See you in Montello my Florida friend.
ReplyDeleteHey leave room for me !!! Its like you are reading my mine...
ReplyDeleteMy wife is going to start working part time to add to move fund..
For me it's not as if I'm living another's life but rather more like being trapped in a prison I helped build. Meaningless deadlines, working a job that produces nothing of importance, and forcing yourself to fit what little bit of life you have after work to a scheduled that is wholly unnatural are reasons I have to look towards places like Montello and a self sufficient form of living. A place where everyone knows that their water, electricity, and food are not going to be produced by magic, the government, or anyone else but themselves. Another reason to break out of this self imposed prison is having to see day in and day out as others accept criminal actions by their government, and as long as the government doesn't take their benefits away all is overlooked or worse considered legal. It's as if your very life is being sucked out of you and if you don't get out quick there maybe no life left for you to live a life of your own. You would have given it all to someone or something else who doesn't deserve it. What I fear most of all is finding that one day I accept these things as others do. I'm not sure if I'll end up in Montello but one thing is certain and that's that come 2011 I will either accept the status quo, and hope I don't end up a zombie, or prepare for the next great adventure of my life wherever I can find freedom and the ability to live a life where nature decides my schedule.
ReplyDeleteGuy, that's awesome you'll have more cash for the move. Does that mean your move date might be expedited? Oh, and I'll certainly keep a seat for you!
ReplyDeleteRichard, I hear you brother, on every level I hear you! What makes 2011 the pivot point?
2011 is when I expect my grubstake to be at a point were I can have a modest living for 5 years while I try different income generating tactics. It also gives me time to practice some of the skills I expect will become necessary living off-grid and in a small town with limited resources.
ReplyDeleteLook Brother Bear...you are a leader:) And the difference you want to know...its LOVE. Love is the miracle cure. Loving OURSELVES works miracles in our lives...and I think you can just love yourself better THERE.
ReplyDeleteAmen, we'll see you on that bench asap
ReplyDelete